As we approach America's b-day (don't bother asking how old she is since every year she claims she's 29, which is a lie) and I've been missing in action since April, let's just do a quick wrap of of the recent past so we are all on the same page:
1) The largest oil spill since the Persian Gulf War.
2) Bizarre, inconvenient weather.
3) A lot of financial stuff I don't really understand.
4) More people than ever who were supposed to be our role models turning out to be sexual predators.
(O-KAY, electoral college, you told me so *sigh*.)
5) The most annoying/difficult to pronounce ash spewing volcano, and although this did not happen on US soil, it f-ed up all our flights, made me sound like an idiot whenever I tried to alk about it, and clogged up my inbox with google alerts about volcanoes. Why I'm still getting them everyday at 11:57? I do not know.
6) The season finale of LOST.
7) And most importantly, the most Smirnoff Ices sold, ever.
(Fig 1: Sorority icing)
It seems like since we owe Korea like, $65 Trillion, and more kids are taking Chinese than ever, (will Spanish become a dying high school language?!? What will happen to Senora Price?!?!) the US is just acting out.
If we're simply trying to set records, can't we just eat the world's largest Philly cheesesteak or something and call it a day?
Sloan-out.
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