Ima buy you a drankkk

I don't perform well in high stress situations, I spill a lot, and it takes me longer than the typical high school graduate to calculate simple numbers in my head. I'm a thinker, not a do-er, a lover, not a fighter. But somehow, Lindsey talked me into volunteering to bartend at Studentheuser on Friday.

In 2005, when I worked at Gigi (the hideous bag store on the top floor of the Atrium... No, you've never been in there unless I made you bring me my down jacket when the heat broke in January.) I made my mom come in a buy something so I could practice using the register. Our shift started at midnight, so there was no time for such practice.

So as I said before, the cash register did not tell you how much change to give. Since I don't own a calculator, and I thought people would judge me for tabulating on my blackberry, I often had to stall (make convo, pretend the computer wasn't working, (half) pretend I didn't know which kroner coins were which, etc) so I could figure out the change. Eventually I resorted to giving everyone the member discount even if they weren't members because member draft beer was 25 kronah, and non member was 34. Soo much easier. Bottles were another story because member price was 17. I didn't even know the 17 times table existed.

Highlights of the night: 1) Getting hit on by a Danish lesbian, 2) being asked on a date by a danish straight man (who said he'd call tomorrow "but in boy time that means Thursday" -Alicia Silverstone, Clueless, 1995.) I obviously am not going on this alleged date because foreign people freak me out. 3) Lindsey being offered weed by some random guy, and him actually expecting her to take it.

Low points of the night: 1) Getting yelled at for not bottle opening the beer. 2) Getting yelled at for bottle opening the beer... Everything I do is wrong :(

Frequently asked question of the night: What's 17 times (insert # of dranks here).

At first, I was pretty sure all the people who actually worked there hated us and thought we were idiots. They probably got that impression because I couldn't figure out what 17 times 2 was without thinking about it for 5 minutes. But in the end, I think they thought it was cute.

All in all, we loved every minute of it (except when I was stressed and getting yelled at) but, I won't quit my day job.

Save the Date

Save the Date for a post sometime tomorrow about Lindsey and my BARTENDING EXPERIENCE.  We went to orientation at 6, where I obviously wasn't paying attention for more than two minutes due to my short attention span.  I do remember her saying that the cash register doesn't tell you how much change to give.  NBD I haven't taken math since first semester senior year of high school.  I'd bring a calculator... if I owned one... which I don't.

The Curse of the Second Form

It was the end of an era the day I got on the plane en route to Copenhagen.  Not because I was venturing to spend 4 months in a foreign country.  Not because I wouldn't be able to call Linda and Arthur when I felt I was losing my mind (or more realistically my wallet).  Not because I couldn't go to Yogurt Oasis twice a day (although that is becoming a problem).  No, those weren't the reasons.  It was really because I would never have to use my fake ID again.

I've taken on the alter ego "Jody Goodman" since the summer of 2006.  The ID has somehow survived multiple lost wallets, and my general irresponsibility.  It has been so good to me.  But since the drinking age here is like 12, and I turn the big 2-1 in April, I retired my second identity.  No more memorizing her information right before going into a bar, no more using cash so the name on my ID and the name on the credit card wouldn't clash, no more being asked for a second form.

WRONG.  I take that back.  Last night I was second formed.  But this time it wasn't in the usual place.  Not the bar, but the bus.  

So here in the CPH, we have these bus/train passes, and it's so weird because on the train, it's all on the honor system.  Once in a while they check to see if you have it, but most of the time you just get on and get off.  Obviously that would never work in the US, but I guess people here are more honest.  

But on the bus, which I obviously haven't figured out how to use yet, you apparently show it every time you get on.  So last night we're going out and we decide to take the bus.  I show the driver my pass and he SECOND FORMED ME.  WTF.  

So I showed him my license, which is what they photocopied to make the pass in the first place and he didn't think it was me again.  I had more trouble getting on the bus in Denmark with a picture that's actually me than I do getting into bars in Boston with a picture that's actually not me.

Eventually he let me go because people were starting to wonder why the bus wasn't moving and he probably wanted to prevent a riot.  We still had to wait a little longer because Suzanne and co were getting shwarma-ed (new verb for any time one goes out of their way to get a meal while drunk).  

I guess the nice thing about all this is that unfortunately yes, I'm growing up.  But at least for a while, I'm still gonna get carded and once in a while, and I might still get second formed, even if it's just on the bus.

Gossip Girl: a list #3

A little late, but I finally caught last weeks episode of Gossip Girl.  It obviously wasn't the same without the J Schwartz's and Sarah (hiii guys miss you).  So once again, here are my comments, questions, and concerns about this weeks episode of G-squared.

First the staples.  And the winner goes to....

 -Gossipgirl.com word of the day: Financial Aidiots.  Hahaahhahahahahahhahaha

Underrated quote of the week:  "Death by Dorota."

Moving on...

 -Okay, Nate finally seems to be back on the show, he must have finished whatever else he was preoccupied with that was more important than starring in his own series, nbd.  Not sure how much he's really contributing though.  The slicked back mane looked hot so plus 2, but he didn't know what A Clockwork Orange was... minus 9. 

 -Ed Westwick was obviously amazing, but that goes without saying.  Seriously, who tries to buy anthrax under their uncle's name?  Chuck Bass does. Chuck Bass does.

 -What else does Chuck Bass do?  Beats the shit out of his Uncle... WTF?!?!  Did Jack really try to rape Lily in the bathroom at the Opera?!?! (also, did he succeed?  It wasn't clear... just the tip?) What an idiottttt.  I know he was high, but was he brain dead?...  Apparently...  So Jack was gone even faster than Aaron Rose.  Good.  Except now I can't tell people that my friend from high school does that actor's taxes (she did).

 -Speaking of annoying supporting characters, who the F is this teacher?  She's actually five years old and let's be real, there's no way Constance would ever hire a teacher who's only experience was Teach for America.  And Dan- stop being such a slooot.  I know he's into intellectual girls but Serena is so much hotter than him it's almost unrealistic.  He can't just go around pulling this shit again and expect her to take it.  Hook up with Georgina once, shame on you.  Hook up with the new povo teacher? Shame on you again.

 -Okay, why does Lily keep insisting Chuck move back in with them?  She's apparently banging Rufus loud enough that Eric can hear it through the ceiling.  Gross.  It's awkward enough for her own children, let alone the child of the man that died because she was banging Rufus so loud Eric could hear it through the ceiling.... just dumb.

-Also, this whole Serena college thing is getting out of control.  First of all, why are teen dramas so obsession with Brown?  Neither Summer Roberts (OC) nor Serena would ever want to go there in real life.  Plus, Brown's been done, so has Yale (Rory/Gilmore Girls).  There are eight Ivy League schools.  It's like the whole naming the dog Dan thing.  Google that shit and pick a different one.

 -S, spotted, wearing yellow to an event AGAIN.  I have to admit she looked less like a banana this time, but still...

 

Til tomorrow… you know you luvvvv me.

xoxo,

S (loan)

 

My Sport: Jewish Geography

I can't read my own handwriting,  I can't be quiet for more than two minutes, I still have trouble with the 4 and 8 times table (not 100% my fault, I was sick that week) and I was the only person in Newton South High School's history to get cut from the field hockey team not once, but twice. Okay, so I have my flaws but I'm really really good at one thing: Jewish Geography.  

Going abroad has really made me appreciate all the camps, teen tours (especially Teen Tour '04-peak of my life, hottest and coolest I'll ever be), transferring colleges, and growing up in Newton in general. This is because all of these things work together, and as a group, have created a networking cesspool I have at my finger tips.  I wonder if Linda and Arthur knew what an investment in my future all these things would become... They probably did, or why else would they have bothered?

It's not 100% fair because residing in Statesider ("living on my own, not by myself"/ going to Wisconsin-Madison in general) freshman year gives me an unfair leg up on the competition considering we felt it necessary to do a mock bat-mitzvah for Amy Page because she was the only non-jew on the entire hall. 

 

But you know what?  Sometimes life isn't fair.  And I don't care what anyone says, I really should have put Jew Geo as a skill on my college application because then maybe, just maybe, I would have gotten into Vanderbilt in the first place and could have skipped the middle man.  

Today in class, I learned that Hans Christian Andersen networked his way out of poverty.  So really, who cares how many years I played (or in this case, not played) field hockey? Who cares that in seventh grade Ms. Bogozyck made me use one of the laptops reserved for special needs kids because everything I handed in was illegible?  Who cares that I need a calculator to answer what 4 x 8 is?  Not Hans Christian Andersen.  He wouldn't judge me.

 

Well, at least my hair looks good...

No, no it doesn't.  I just lied to you.  The Diana Ross coiffure is more severe than two days ago when we were having a humidity theme party in my basement.  Now I understand why the jews migrated to Northeast USA.  

Other than that, Copenhagen-is-awesome.  Literally love every minute of it. (Which is weird because usually I hate everywhere I go for at least the first 2 weeks.)

Since I'm only good at writing negatively about things (pointed out by Hoffman) I am going to wait to write the good stuff for when I have pictures to supplement and skip to the one annoying thing that happened.  It obviously involved the Verizon Store.  I CAN'T GET AWAY!!

We had a minor blackberry scare yesterday.  Blackberry Down as I like to say (a tribute to Black Hawk Down, duh)... the guy just "forgot" to activate my international plan even though I WENT to the store to make sure they did it right because the woman on the phone seemed even more useless (if that's possible) than anyone who works there.  Turns out I was wrong... All Verizon Wireless employees are created equal.  Equally useless.  

So with my full day of disconnected-ness, I started thinking.  Maybe it would be better without tha berry.  As my mom said in an email:

"You can survive without a Blackberry for 4 months!  Turn it off & lock it up.  Then, please email so that I can call and shriek hysterically at the billing people, because their reps are the stupidest people on Earth"

-Linda Greenberg 1/20/09

The wise words of Mama G got me thinking that maybe being blackberry-less while in Denmark could be a good thing... Maybe this is an experience I should do without relying on the technology I think I can't live without.  I also just really wanted to skype with my my mom while she yelled at the Verizon billing people because it would be funny.  I decided: no blackberry for this Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Sloan.

Then I came to my senses... Who am I kidding?  But I am gonna try to use it less... Sorry Kyle.  Obviously getting the situation fixed was an ordeal.  I had to skype with Jessica (when in Rome THANK YOU) while she called global support.  I didn't realize the guy on the phone could hear every word I said, and when I said "ughhhh fuck verizon i hate them," and other slurs along those lines.  Jessica asked him, " can you hear everything she's saying?... Sloane, he can hear every word you're saying." I thought he'd be mad.  In fact the opposite happened.  He agreed.  Then he simply switched my service on, like they should have 20 years ago and all is well.  He's the first man I ever told I loved him and meant it.

BBM ME BITCHAS

Post Script:  If anyone was worried, I found my contacts.

An Ode to My Contacts

An Ode to My Contacts

A Haiku

by Sloane G

Contacts, where art thou?

I know I packed you fo sho,

Reveal yourself, please

Hot N Cold

So basically what's going on at the Greenberg residence right now is; a pipe froze so the upstairs heat is completely brokennn.  No big deal except its sub zero temperatures in the GBA (greater Boston area).  Luckily I live downstairs, right?  WRONG.  Because the downstairs heat still works, the "service man" cough cough plumber, suggested we turn the downstairs heat wayyy up because "heat rises."  Okay easy for you to say, you're not the one who's sweating balls down here because it's like 85 with like 90% humidity.  My hair doesn't do well with humidity.  I look like Diana Ross.

My mom came down from the North Pole, aka the third floor, in my full body "Wisconsin Coat."  Those who knew me when I went to Wisconsin-Madison know this coat, but for those who don't:  it's literally a full body sleeping bag with a touch of furrrr, the whole club was lookin' at hurrr.  

I was always mas tarde for Spanish class because I had to stop outside, flatten the coat against the wall, and then roll it around my arm.  Then I'd walk into class and inevitably knock mis amigos' books off their desks with the coat.  "Lo siento, lo siento." 

 ANYWAY, my mom had to quickly strip out of the coat before she passed out from heat stroke, kissed me goodnight, suited up, and headed back to the arctic North.

If we were a fraternity (or Frarority as Tracy once referred to it while on a college tour), we'd prob be called Gamma Nu Beta Gamma (GreeNBerG).  I'm sure there's a greek letter for 'R' but I'm pretty sure I've never seen it used.  And tonight, we'd send out a Fbook invitation that we were having a Hot 'n Cold party.  It would start at 10 and end at 2, but there would duhhh be and after party for our groupies.  The live musical guest would be Katy Perry and the attire would be: layers.  BYOB w/ID.

Attending?

Celebrity Spotted

Attn:  there is a Christina Applegate impostor running around the Chestnut Hill Mall.  She was last spotted outside the Apple Store.  She did not go in... I do not blame her.

I, on the other hand, did.  It's not as bad as the Verizon Store, but there's definitely room for improvement.  I appreciate the fact that you can bring your mac into a store if there's something wrong with it, because with my PC i used to have to call Geek Housecalls.  For those who are unfamiliar with G.H., basically this guy named Charlie (who used to be really fat but recently lost like 100 lbs...) comes and chills at your house for like 6 hours, even though the problem only takes 15 minutes to fix (figures they charge by the hour).

Anyway...  The mac store is always busy.  So from the outside, it looks like people are always buying stuff.  Don't be fooled, it's an optical illusion.  Everyone is actually just waiting for the genius bar, meaning something they already bought is broken (or they're old and don't know how to use it.) 

Just as the Verizon Store is like the Dentist, the Mac store is kinda like the Doctor's office.  You have to make an appointment far in advanced, you have to get their a little early just in case they're ready to see you, but end up waiting forever anyway,  and then when you're finally seen, the problem you have isn't acting up anymore so you look like a hypochondriac.  

So, I basically wasted an hour of my life at the mac store today just to look like an idiot in front of Ben "the Genius."  Whatever, at least I got to see not-Christina Applegate

Gossip Girl: a list #2

It's Wednesday so of course, my (2nd) weekly list of comments questions and concerns about this weeks episode of Gossip Girl...

-Okay so the writers remembered Nate this week, sort of.  He was in it, but barely.  Probably what happened was they finished the script and then were like "oops, we forgot Nate again, let's just throw him in the first scene so we don't get in trouble."  

-Not that anyone cares but it was Vanessa and Nate's anniversary.  Anniversary?!?  What anniversary?  Like their 2 week and three day anniversary?  Randommmmm.  In case anyone forgot (which is reasonable) Nate and Vanessa are main characters.  They need to be in every episode, not just when the writers feel like throwing them in and pretending they've been dating for a significant amount of time.  How can they be having an anniversary when they haven't even been in the same scene since before Thanksgiving?

-When Vanessa drops the candy in the store that she's getting Nate for their alleged "anniversary", Dan picks it up and gives it back to her.  Gross.  I'm usually all for the 5 second rule but in a store?  In New York City?  In the winter?  People's wet boots have been all up in thurr. 

-gossipgirl.com word of the day:  Cokettes.  Definition: girls that do coke?  Un-real.  Try to use it in a sentence today.  But Chuck really shouldn't have ditched Blair for them, one looked like she was 12 and when Blair was waiting for him, it was literally the hottest she's ever looked, ever.

-Penelope is such a bitch, someone should really stab her.  I think they only put her in more now because she was in the Dark Knight.  But, she was basically an extra so whatever...

-Chuck looked like inspector gadget in that trench-coat.

-Underrated:  Eric and Jonathan have matching plaid backpacks.

-I appreciate the Clueless reference because I obviously want to be Alicia Silverstone and can recite every line of that movie by heart... but how could Serena compare this situation to Cher and Josh and NOT to Adrien Grenier and Melissa Joan Hart in Drive me Crazy?  If it's because Melissa Joan Hart has a lazy eye, then that's just racist...

-Lil J, what up with the mullet?  I was born with a case of chronic bad hair day, mixed with uncontrollable jew fro AND i just got back from the gym, and my hair still looks better than yours did in this entire episode.  Doooo something about that...

-Gossip Girl writers, I know I give you a hard time and I must apologize.  I had little faith when the adopted child was "dead,"  I should have known you'd come up with THE BEST STORY LINE EVER.  Those adoptive parents are sooo sleazy.  Lying that their son is dead by using a newspaper clipping about their other son who actually is dead?  That's a new low.... Ugh yet another movie/tv show that makes people from Boston look bad (i.e.Gone Baby Gone)  Regardless... genius.  I cannot wait to see this kid.  He's obviously going to be gorgeous, who will he hook up with!? Half the cast are his siblings.

You know you love me,

xoxo

S (loan)

JAMIE SPINNER AND THE COMMONS '06

Back by popular demand:  the infamous article about the commons being closed because of Jamie Spinner.  Originally from the Denebola (Newton South High School Newspaper) '06

Dark Ages '06

Stacy Greenberg

It seems to be a general consensus that last week felt particularly long.  My mom says it was because of the cold weather, I say it was something else.  Something far more serious: the wheeler commons were closed.  You may have wondered why, when people left class to go to the bathroom, they were gone for less than 10 minutes.  You may have wondered about the increased traffic on the first floor of wheeler in between the office and the commons.  You may have wondered why everyone appeared clinically depressed.  The short bathroom breaks, the traffic, the depression, were due to the fact that the wheeler commons were shut down and the class of '06 did not know what to do with themselves. 

What was the cause of this travesty?  Rumor has it, it involved senior Jamie Spinner otherwise known as J-spiiiins, and some kind of sliding across some kind of table.  Apparently this is not acceptable.  A nearby teacher, Ms. Stonehill of the English department (now known as Lord Voldemort), saw this occur, and the result: shut down of the commons.  

A little history: this was not the first time the commons were closed.  Last year, it was due to lack of respect for the "laws."  The alleged laws of the room include important policies such as;  a conversational level of sound (yeah right...), one person to a chair (Becky and Julien), and no card playing. That last one sounds reasonable because, really, who plays cards in there anyway?  However, no where on the list does it say: Jamie Spinner is not allowed to slide across a table... but I guess there is always room for amendments.  

Last year we got the commons  re-opened by signing a piece of paper that made a selection of us "Commons Monitors..." it didn't work out.  

So, what happened to the poor children who spend more time in the commons then in the classroom?  After class I, and many others walked by there hoping a miracle had happened and the heavenly lights would be on and life would once again be good. Instead, we were greeted by miserable, lost, homeless, seniors.  

"I think some people might actually lose friends because of it," said senior Tal Hartstein during the week of madness, and I concur.  This is because we rely on the commons as mutual territory between the cliques and therefore have watched relationships blossom and grow in this room.  Without it, we might have eventually forgotten about each other.  Proactive students did their best.  One day there was even an attempt to blockade the hallway (I guess our attempt at activism.)  Since that didn't work, we wondered, what will?  

Turns out that a little snow and a bad call by the superintendent on Friday did the trick.  The commons were temporarily reopened so we wouldn't leave and get in an accident during free blocks.  Authorities seem to have forgotten about the incident.  Thank God.  

Next year we will all be off to different places and will no longer have the wheeler commons.  We will probably miss it.  On the bright side, this week slightly prepared us for what is to come. I guess the moral of the story is: Jamie do not slide across tables, it is no longer allowed.

           

The artist formerly known as Stacy

Yes, my name was originally Stacy.  Yes, now it is Sloan.

I came up with some legit reasons.  Gender inequality in the workplace, turning a new leaf, identity theft issues, advice from a famous foreign movie star, pick your fave.  Although all valid, there's only one real reason. 

The real reason is simpler than all that: I just want to.  But after it gets simple, it gets complex like all good things in life....

-When I say "My name is Stacy" people always think I said Cee Cee.   I remember the first time like it was yesterday.  I was like nine and was taking skiing lessons at Wachusett Mountain, (mountain skiing, minutes awayyyyy) and my gorgeous ski instructor (yes, even then I was into older college drop outs with no future) thought my name was Cee Cee.  I was too nervous to correct him.  If he tried to find me on facebook now, he'd have no luck.  There is no Cee Cee Greenberg on tha book, so we can't live happily ever after.  Sigh.

-If someone met me once and wasn't really paying attention, they always think my name is Stephanie.  Always, except maybe once, but mostly, always.

-If one more person asks me if I've heard the song "Stacy's Mom," I will bomb them.  Yes, obviously I've heard it.  I live in America and I'm not deaf.

- My new theme song can be The Ting Tings "that's not my name."  Lyrics for those who don't know... "they call me Stacy, that's not my name."

-One of my best friends from high school's name is Tracy.  We were also very friendly with a girl named Kasey.  "Hi, I'm Stacy, this is Tracy, and that's Kasey."  It became a serious problem when we played the name game at Field Hockey Practice pre-season (before I got cut.)  No one could handle it.  We had to take 5.

-Sloane Peterson- Ferris Bueller's Day Off.  Need I say more?

-Sloan from Entourage.  Not a factor in my original decision making process, but she was really hot so it doesn't hurt.

-Think of all the awesome screen names I could have had all these years. (some courtesy of Kyle Dull)

SloanTemplePilots

Cold Sloan Creamery

Hrry Pttr N th Sorcerers Sloan

Flintsloan's, meet the Flintsloan's, they're a modern sloan age familyyyy. (2 for the price of one byotch)

SloanyBrookFarms

"Lovesloned"- Justin Timberlake

TheRollingSloans

SloanColdSteveAustin

Brooksloan

SharonSloan22

Its4:20LetsGetSloaned

...The possibilities are endless.

Sloan-out.

Green Day

What the hell happened to you guys?  Seriously... "Wake me up when September ends"?  More like "Wake me up when this song ends."  What's so bad about September anyway?  How bout you write a song about January in New England.  STOP SNOWING!!!!! The weather is seriously starting to interfere with mah cRaZy Newton social life.

And Kiss 108, don't even get me STARTED.  That song came out, what like, circa 2005?  We're over it.  It's awful, why are you still playing it?  Let's get some Shontelle T-shirt action going instead. (Princezzvee, you know you agree.)

Green Day: Just another reason why life was better in the 90's.  So, until you've almost skidded into the fire hydrant on Rachel Rd en route to sit in Chang's basement- stop whining.  Just stop it.

Can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em

I have a love/hate relationship with so many things.  Food, drink, my blackberry... all things I enjoy while using them, but hate what they do to me.  

-But other than those obvious three, I also love/hate my Hunter rain boots, because someone finally invented rain boots that, even though they look exactly like normal rain boots, are somehow not lame unlike their identical cousins (other rain boots) that are particularly uncool.  I hate them because they remind me what a large calf I have considering they are supposed to be loose around the lower leg, but on me, simply fit. Ughhhh society...

-Comcast OnDemand, another thing I love/hate.  What's not to love?  The time I accidentally ordered "Made of Honor" and then felt I had to actually watch it because I'd be billed for it.

-Child Stars, because I want to be one but now that I've turned 20, can't.  Specifically Miley Cyrus.  Hate her because Hannah Montana is actually un-watchable, but love her because she's not that pretty yet has everyone convinced she is.  Props. 

-Kyle Dull.  Because you're my bffaeaeaeaeaeaeae or whatever.  But you really need to stop playing techno when I'm in your car (exception: Sandstorm, or, Daft Punk-One More Time.) 

-The Verizon Store...  No wait, I just hate that.

-And finally, CNN breaking news alerts to my phone.  Love, because it prevents me from looking like an idiot for not knowing important current events.  Hate, because when the text sounds goes off I get excited I have friends, then I look, and realize i don't.

Trouble in Paradise

I've recently (two days ago) transitioned from being loyal to Dunkin' Donuts coffee to cheating on it with Starbucks.  Jenna, Jessica, and I were wasting too much time making pit stops at both on our way to the gym.  It was taking us half an hour to get to the Boston Sports Club, and, considering we usually only work out for only twenty minutes, it was becoming counterproductive.  

It was two against one, and I'm pretty flexible.  Let's be real, it's a change I should have made years ago... I'm wayyy too edgy and artistic for DD anyway.

But the honey moon stage lasted exactly ONE coffee run.  The second didn't go so well.  I don't know if this is world wide or just happening to the Needham St franchise, but there's a huge issue.  They got new cups but did not get new lids.  Problematic.  It's not a huge differentiation, but enough to cause an issue.  If you apply any amount of pressure to either side of the cup (i.e. every time you pick it up) , the lid pops off.  MAJOR SPILLAGE IN THE CAR.  Thank God Jessica has leather interior because it wiped right off, but on cloth?  We wouldn't be so lucky.

Side note: So, we finally get to the gym...ready to work out... I search for an elliptical.  The only avail one (because we went at 5pm... soo dumb)  is the one that my high school history teacher, Mr. Bates (yes that's his real name) is on.  Awk-warrrrd.  Do I work out next to him or is that too awkward?  So in the end I just go for it.  No sooner do I smile and do this weird head nod I didn't mean to do, does he get off the machine and flee the scene.  He obviously felt too awkward to even finish his workout.  Could it have been a coincidence that he happened to be done right as I arrived? No, really don't think so.

So anyway, I'm ellipticall-ing away, not touching the Starbucks cup, and the lid keeps popping off. I look over, and Jessica is having the same problem.  I laugh out loud and have trouble stopping.  At this point, the bald guy next to me thinks I'm a freak... He's mostly wrong.

You know I hate to complain, but Starbucks is a multi-million dollar conglomerate.  I don't think it's too much to ask for a top that fits on the cup.  I'm sorry.  No, I'm not.  I won't apologize for being reasonable.

I was so frustrated with the whole thing that I decided not to go to the gym at all today.  Thank a lot Starbucks, thanks a lot...

The Verizon Store

I've been home on winter break for about three weeks and have spent more waking hours at the Verizon Store than I have in my own house.  WTF...  It's a mixture of the fact that my blackberry is a huge piece and continuously seizures (or is left in a taxi) and the fact that every time you enter that black hole, a full day goes by before you see the light of day.  

First of all, the employees are all trying to have sex with each other and that's fine, I understand, do your thang... But can you finish setting up email on my blackberry first?  I'd do it myself but you actually need a degree in engineering to make it happen.  Or, a password. 

So here's what happened with the password.  They spent 45 minutes accusing me of giving them the wrong password.  I gave them the only two options it could be.  Finally, they found a way to look up the password.  Guess what it was:  Verizon.  "See," Miguelita said, "you told us the wrong password."  "No," I said, "I never knew about that password."  She said, "well, you set it up."  Uh-huh, because I really made my password Verizon...

Second of all, as a mating call, Employee A will typically ask her potential mate, let's call him Employee B, if he can help her fix my phone.  I have things to do.  I've already been here for an hour.  Skip the middle man. We all know ONLY Miguelita knows how to do anything.  Just ask Miguelita first, then I can get out of here and you can go bang in the stock room.  Everyone wins.

Another annoying thing is that you must look presentable if you're even going in a half mile radius of the building because, you will undoubtedly, run into at least three people you know. 

Those three people will most likely not be buying things, but instead complaining.  However, if you do want to purchase something you still have to sign in.  Soo wack.

I'd rather go to the dentist than the Verizon store.  If the phones are a pieces of shit and the people who work there are stupid, why don't I switch networks?  Three words: two year contract.  They may be stupid, but stupid like foxes.

Gossip Girl: a list.

I've had about 48 hours to digest, so now, here are my top 10 comments, questions, and concerns about this weeks episode of Gossip Girl.

1) Why is everyone making such a big deal about Serena and Dan dating the same time Rufus and Lily do?  Adrien Grenier and Melissa Joan Hart pull the same thing in "Drive Me Crazy."  Build a tree house and get over it.

2) What was up with little J's roots in that first scene?  Did the hair and make-up person call in sick?  Then miraculously by her next appearance, her black roots turned blonde? It's called continuity... figure it out GG.

3) Which brings me to another point.  Who the fuck is the                                 wardrobe person sleeping with to keep her job?  Every time                            Serena goes to any kind of special event she looks AWFUL.  In                           case they didn't get the memo: Yellow makes her look like a giant                      Chaquita Banana.  (See season finale season one at the wedding and                                   Thanksgiving season.)

4) I read somewhere Blake Lively doesn't like to go out and doesn't drink. Laaammme.  Okay, I won't judge her for the drinking thing (out loud) because whatever that's a personal choice she's made, and it's probably because of all the calories.  But honestly, Lindsay Lohan figured out a way.  How can someone be that good looking and not go out?  What a waste of good genes...

5)  Aaron's gone.  Thank God.  He must have been one of the executive producer's nephews or something because he wasn't even that good looking.  Okay, he was kinda good looking but he had zero personality and resembled a child rapist.  Plus he was  a huge dick to Serena for like, two whole episodes.  That's just too unrealistic, even for Gossip Girl.

6) What the fuck did Serena possibly do with Aaron for two weeks in Argentina if she broke up with him basically before they even left.  That is SO awkward.  The Van Der Woodsens have more money then God, I'm pretty sure she could afford the $100 change fee to come home early.

7) Where the fuck is Nate?  Did they think we wouldn't notice he was gone?  He'll seriously be absent for like three episodes and then just appear at school for fifteen minutes and then disappear again.  WTF!!?!?  That would never happen.  You can't just flee to the Hamptons in the middle of the semester and come back whenever you want.  If you had three unexcused absences at Newton South, you'd get an N (aka an incomplete)...  And let's be real, Newton South was the biggest joke ever.  Seriously though, what could possibly be more urgent for an emerging actor than co-starring in his own TV show?  Kid needs to get his priorities straight fo sho.

8) Ed Westwick should SERIOUSLY receive an Emmy for his performance in the last two episodes alone... Or at least a Nickelodeon Kids Choice Award.

9) Who's this Uncle Jack guy?  He literally came out of no where and it's too freaking obvious that he's going to try to steal Chuck's inheritance.  Come on writers, get it together.  I better be wrong about this or I'll seriously stop watching the show.  No, I won't.  But, I'll seriously be mad.

10) Speaking of Uncle Jack, what happened on New Years?  More importantly, why didn't they show New Years?  Is the economy so bad that they couldn't budget enough for set decoration to construct a New Years venue. COME ON.  

You know you love me.

xoxo,

S(loan) 

*not to be confused with S(erena)