Battle of the Century

From the Desk of

Sloan Greenberg

Dear Safari Web Browser,

I know we've been together for quite some time, in fact, you may be my longest functioning relationship to date. But, with my new 20-something, 20-everything lyfestyle and all, I think we need to talk.

It's not you, it's me. Okay, I guess it's a little bit you. What did you do? Nothing, that's the problem. Other web browsers (who shall remain nameless for now) are frequently asking me if I want new updates, what do you ask me? Huh? If I want to allow this pop-up at this time? It's hardly worth the sentiment... You've really let yourself go and I feel like you don't even care about anything anymore. Do you care about anything?

You're right, it's not just you. There is someone else, if there weren't, I'd have no other choice but to deal with you due to my dependency issues. How else would I get to Wikipedia? His name is Firefox. Yes, the one I used to hate, but now I think I might love... And that's what excites me. He's constantly making himself better and in turn, making me better.

What does he have that you don't have? Um, Stumbleupon for starters! He introduces me to new and exciting things with the click of just one button. What do you have to offer? ... That's what I thought.

And why did you have close unexpectedly when you KNEW I was looking up the symptoms for Swine Flu? You obviously don't care about my health or general well being at all. Were you trying to insinuate that I'm a hypochondriac? That's just insensitive and frankly, rude.

This is not to say we can never work out in the future. I just think you need to take some time to work on you before you can put it on me.

Yours always (except for right now and moving forward),

Sloan Henge Greenberg

"The hottest love has the coldest end." - Socrates

Who would win in a fight to the death: Safari or Firefox?

The old me would have said Safari HANDS DOWN. But we all know how much I've changed and the new me isn't so sure....

You da, you da worst

I want to start by saying if Drake "You Da Best" comes on the radio one more time, I will literally stick my car key in my eye. It's not that I don't like it, it's just reaching absurdity. It's almost at the status of Journey "Don't Stop Believing" at a frat party, "One More Time" at a Bar-Mitzvah occurring in the year 2001, or, anything featuring Lil' Wayne in general. Oh wait, it's Drake feat. Lil' Wayne? ShOcKeR. Not.

Love 'em all but there is only so much I can take. When I realized I could play Daft Punk by ear on the piano, I knew I had been to one Siagel Productions Bar-M too many. Those were the days... But I digress.

Ever since I saw the following video (in the Reveille Review nonetheless) , I can only take the song as seriously as I could take Jessica when she wore a fedora on Tuesday (which is slim to none serious)

hahahahahhahahahahahahahhahahaha

Not to mention, he was the kid in the wheelchair in "Degrassi: the Next Generation" and lastly, Kelia thought the lyrics were "Cutie you Da Best" until Saturday and now every time it comes on, that's all I can hear... sooo three strikes, Drake's out. I don't feel bad for him, he brought two of them upon himself. Kelia brought the third.

Hi Jilli

Hi Sarah

Assorted Flavors

Things that annoy me today:  assorted flavors.

Everyone is different, three cheers for diversity, and so I understand the concept of assorted flavors.  However, this is what annoys me:

I have a new thing for tootsie pops.  I bought a bag of them and when all is said and done I'm like WTF.  Reason being:  I only really like the red ones (ugh I'm so cliche) and I've forced myself to TOLERATE the blue ones but if we're being honest here (and we always are) I only have lukewarm feelings for them.  The chocolate is soo subpar and don't even get me STARTED with the orange.  Gross.  

(note:  above picture is deceiving because the red to other flave ratio is unrealistic.  That would never happen.  Also note that they don't even show more than 2 orange ones because that would bad marketing.)

I'm not a particularly demanding person but this is seriously ridiculous.

For Example, look at Starbursts.  The chances are you're gonna hate at least 50% of them because you're either a red/pink or an orange/yellow.  If they were smart, they'd make packs that contained each of those combos separately Revolutionary, I know.  Just send the check to the Sloanehenge P.O. Box.

A good example: M&M's.  They've have got the right idea, assorted COLORS, un-assorted flave.  Pleasing to the eyes, pleasing to the tongue plus they have good commercials.

And if it's not bad enough that candy  makes single people feel lonely on Valentine's Day, assorted flavors make single people lonely everyday.  Why, you wonder?  Because you get to thinking, "I feel bad throwing out the ones I don't like because there are starving children in Africa... If only I found the perfect guy who likes the orange ones..."  Ya, sure, in my dreams.  Always the bridesmaid, never the bride...