Off to LA

I’ve spent the last 21 years figuring out how much time I need to get ready.  I’m never late anymore.  Actually, I was never late to begin with.  However, Linda still think she needs to do that thing where she tells me my appointment is at 12:45 even when it’s not til 1, MOM.  Then I end up getting there at 12:30 and don’t bring an activity.  That’s 30 minutes I’m never getting back.  I told her to stop doing that, and I thought she did.  Welllll, I haven’t had an appointment since we had “the talk” but apparently she wasn’t paying attention because I’m sitting here at the airport, was told my flight was at 10, since I’m such a trusting daughter, I didn’t think to double check.  It’s really at 11. 

Question of the morning: Could the people at Dunkin Donuts have gone slower?  Probably but I really don’t think so.  Even though I have an hour to kill I left solely out of principle.  I went to Hudson News to get a water, which was almost $4.  What is this?  Copenhagen?  It wasn’t even a Smart Water, just a Dasani… ugh plebeians. 

My day started off per-uje.  Overweight bags, a little fake crying, etc etc.  How do I have the same amount of stuff to go to LA for 2 months than I did to go to Copenhagen for 4?  Nobody knows. 

Then, the song playing in the background while I went through security was Rihanna “Murderer.”  Such a bad omen.  But not as bad as when I saw “Omen” with  Hoffman and he jumped on my lap and his keys almost choked Fellman.  At least I wasn’t strip searched today.

Currently, the 10-year-old girl next to me is wearing the same shoes as me.  They look better on her.  FML.  She also has a Blackberry.  I’m this close to asking her for her PIN.  The “probably my age girl” sitting on the other side of me is listening to her IPOD sooo loud I don’t even need to take out mine.  Jo-Bros… Good choice.  I guess if I’m gonna be this early, at least I’m in good company.

There’s also a large Asian family next to me.  The grandma is sitting next to me and I think was looking at my computer so I had to rotate.  The baby is wearing a backpack that looks like a monkey and has a long tail that his mother is using as a leash.  NBD.

I’m pretty sure George Foreman’s father is on my flight and they just paged Chris Brown, I wonder if he got sad when he heard “Murderer” in security.  Who am I kidding?  He obviously did.

Sloan ya lata

 

Not learning from my mistakes...

Last year I was in LA all summer.  You wouldn't know that because, since I forgot to bring my digital camera charger, and didn't want Linda going through my room looking for it, I had like one picture of Jamie Rome lying on my bed from before the battery died.

It is quarter of 11pm and I am leaving earllllly tomorrow.  I cannot find my camera charger ANYWHERE.  Can I just get a new one from Best Buy?  No, i found that out the hard way last year.

Although using a disposable camera is significantly more fun (especially when it's left in the center of a bar-mitzvah table), I feel it is socially unacceptable to whip out my $4.99 camera that says 'CVS' all over it.

So I guess I can either go look for it and sit here and complain about it...  The outcome of that battle will depend on who is currently on facebook chat.

Lataaaa

S

Did the dime get smaller?

The Original Gossip Girl

It has come to my attention that Cecily Von Ziegesar doesn't get nearly enough credit for creating Gossip Girl.  Case in point: I literally just had to google how to spell her last name.  I would never have to do that for, say, Dan Brown.

How did this literary genius create such a magical world including dynamic and beautiful characters, all the while keeping it super realistic?  What was her inspiration?  No one knows...

Until now.

New theory: MAILER-DAEMON is the original Gossip Girl.  Think about it: 1) he's anonymous, 2) he uses the internet to communicate things to people he doesn't know, 3)you can't reply back to him, 4) he most likely has similar facial features as Kristin Bell...  The list goes on.  How did we not realize this?  IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW.

Daemon: 

-noun

To the early Greeks, a god as he appeared in his dealings with humans. In classical times the word came to mean a lesser deity, inferior to the Olympians, but taking a personal interest in individuals. Each human was thought to have a good and evil daemon.

Who knew?  Not me.  I just always thought it was supposed to be demon and the guy made a typo and by the time anyone figured it out it was be too expensive to fix.

ANYWAYYY.  It's been a while since I've put my two cents in about Gossip Girl.  This is mostly because MegaVideo is a little bitch and cwtv.com doesn't work in Scandinavia, go figure.  It's probably because all the Danish and Swedish girls are prettier than Blake Lively, therefore they feel no need to look at her.  Therefore, there's no reason for them to watch the show, because we all know that's the only reason we do.

So I caught up on some, then had to give my computer to the Apple store, so I got the Sparknotes version from Jessica and Jenna on the ones I didn't get to.  So here are some thoughts about the last part of season 2 (the condensed version).

-Vanessa and Nate couldn't be more annoying, maybe even more-so than Dan and Serena used to be.  I'll leave that up to personal discretion.  

-Little J brought nothing to the table for like a month.  When she finally contributed to the show, she was dressed like an emo hooker.

-Rufus proposed to Lily when they were stoned, how is that gonna go in the morning?

-SCOTT-is-SOOO-hot.  I mean duh, he's Lily and Rufus' kid.  It would be genetically impossible for him to be unattractive.  Here's the question: Will he be a regular or follow the fate of other attractive creepy characters (ie: Aaron Rose, Ms. Carr, The Dutchess and her son/ lover) and bounce after 4 episodes?  Nobody knows.

-Everyone is obsessed with what happened with Chuck and Blair. It was cute I guess, but really I'm not that impressed. You can take it up with me later.

-How about next year? Let's see:  wealthy attractive high school students going off to college in a few different locations but primarily the same ones.  Most, in the same state they grew up in/ where their parents still live, and then one at Brown.  DOES THIS RING A BELL?!? I would like to use this as a forum to formally accuse Gossip Girl for plagiarizing THE OC.  Helllooo Josh Schwartz, come in Josh Schwartz, this is earth speaking.  Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.  Next thing you know they're gonna be killing Blake Lively in a car accident and nooo one wants that (which is the one difference between this and The OC because everyone wanted Marissa dead for the sole reason that Mischa Barton was irritating.)

How is Gossip Girl going to follow them? And what the f was that? Don't pretend you're gonna tell us who Gossip Girl is. And don't pretend it's Jonathan, even just for a minute, it's obviously not. That would just be dumb.

Let's talk history for a second. 90210 (obviously the old one because I don't recognize the new one as TV), Saved by the Bell, The OC, they all sucked when they went to college. One Tree Hill is the only one who had it right by skipping four years and flashing back. REVOLUTIONARY! It's too bad their two main characters are walking after this season... *sigh.*

If I were the Gossip Girl writers, I would do a prequel instead like the new Star Trek movie (which was unreal by the way). Hellooo... We're all dying to see Serena in her bad girl days. Give us what we want instead of following the footsteps of those who came before you.

Til next season, you know you love me.

xoxo,

Sloan-ip Girl

I <3 the Apple Store

I take back anything bad I ever said about the Apple Store.  I take back anything bad I ever said about the Genius Bar. (except how ridiculous both usually are.)  

THEY FIXED MY COMPUTER.  Never saw the water (vodka) damage.  IlovethemIlovethemIlovethem.

Now, I am not only able to use it when it's not plugged into the wall, but I also came clean to Linda about what really happened, to which she responded, "I don't want to know."  Thanks Mom.

Don't worry Jilli, more on Gossip Girl to come.

You know you love me... xoxo

Sloan

To Whom it Concerns:

This is a real life letter, although the original is written on a barf-bag (when's the last time I used the word barf?), to KLM airlines. Attn: thoughts in parenthesis are asides, not actually written on the bag.

To Whom it Concerns:

I was a passenger on KLM flight # ____ (plan on asking my mom lata) on Sunday May 17th, 2009. I am dissapointed to say I had a less than pleasant experience whilst checking my bags for this flight. I had the exact same luggage I brought on an identical flight exactly four months ago, January 17th, 2009. However, I was unnecessarily charged 1000 Danish Kron(e-dogs... over $200 USDs) to check my carry-on which contained exactly: one hair dryer, one pen, one left moccassin ( where's the right one? Nobody knows.) a notebook (why I even had a notebook in Denmark... Nobody knows), and one almost empty bottle of Lincoln Park After Dark (or as I like to call it 'Linkin Park After Dark") nailpolish.

"It's not about the weight," I was told, "but the size." Now, the only possible explanation for this is if the dimensions of the plane have changed within the last four months. After being on it, I can almost guarantee this is not the case.

Not only was this flight mostly empty, but the girl behind me could not even fit her bag in the overhead compartment. It took not one, but two flight attendants to finally realize it needed to be checked. This girl was not asked for 1000 Danish Krona.

(I understand I am a target because I'm clearly American, I'm loud, I carry Swiss Army luggage and wear Chanel glasses. But the truth is, I got the suitcases for my Bat-Mitzvah and had a $25 dollar off coupon to Focal Point Opticians in Four Corners (yes, the one next to that Chinese Place) that i just HAD to spend. So really, enough is enough. Send me 5,000 miles ASAP.)

Frustrated Flyer,

SloanG

In Retrospect...

There are a lot of things which, if I could go back and change, I would.  These things include but are not limited to: ordering Dan in Real Life on OnDemand; getting yellow elastics on my braces the week before my bat-mitzvah; not becoming a child star; 6th grade in it's entirety...

The most recent is more relevant however.  I PROMISED myself I would not turn this into a travel blog because honestly, I think they're kinda of cliche and lame.  But I can admit when I'm wrong, and for this I am wrong.  The problem with not making this a travel blog is that, well, I'm traveling.  So instead of business as usual, I just stopped blogging all together.  Since I'm pretty sure that the amount of artificial sweetener I consume and the number of times Caroline Monahon and I smoked weed out of a water bottle before SAT prep class in the Newton Center Princeton Review parking lot (and people wonder why I wouldn't have gotten into Vanderbilt the first time around), I'll probably have Alzheimer's before my 53rd birthday.  Therefore, I would like to look back on my blog and remember my life, including this semester abroad.  

You're probably all thinking, "you snooze, you lose."  Don't.  Luckily, I have an extremely sharp short-term memory as well as a slew of facebook pictures to trigger it.

Not right now because it's 7pm and I've only left my room once, (obviously to go to the grocery store) so I'm gonna take a walk or something and then come back here and go out... last Thursday night in Copenhagen :(  Kulor Bar duhhh meet me thurr.

Sloan ya lata...

Miserable about Megavideo

From the Desk of 

S. Greenberg

Wednesday the thirteenth of May

2009 

Dear Megavideo:

No, I have not watched 72 minutes of video today.  That is a false statement. I'd go as far as to say it is a lie.

Why do you refuse to let me watch The Wackness long enough to see Mary-Kate Olsen and Ben Kingsley make out? It's honestly the only reason I'm watching this movie in the first place.  No, I do not want to wait 52 minutes and I certainty do not want to click there to enjoy unlimited use of Megavideo.  

Inquiring minds want to know, why 72?  So random and inconvenient because if you EVER calculate right, I'm always gonna be in the middle of an episode when time runs out.  If a show is 22 minutes, I can watch 3 episodes at 66 minutes and then only 6 minutes of the 4th?  (math in head, math in head wooo) Wtf.  Also, I've never heard of a movie that was 72 minutes long.  If anything, 88 should be the standard, but even that is low.

And no, I don't want to play Party Poker.  Not now, not ever.  

Hate always, 

Sloan TemplePilots Greenberg

Things I Miss...

I officially leave Copenhagen one week from today.  :(  Couldn't be sadder.  Everyone keeps asking me if I'm ready to go home.  I'm not.  Other than essentially living in poverty... (because Copenhagen: how DARE you be more expensive than London?)  ... I've never lived better.  Sure, my teachers were incompetent, but then again, one of my major assignments was to friend my professor on facebook.  Sure, it was dark and cold for the first 3 months but then again so was Madison and at least here, I didn't knock "Jose's" binder off his desk with my coat everyday in second semester Spanish (even though I had previously taken Spanish for 8 semesters and lived in Barcelona for a month... nbd I don't placement-test well.)  And sure I miss my parents, but after Skype tried to sell Linda (my mom) porn, she bought an international phone plan so it's as if I'm not even gone!

But last night, something hit me.  It told me that it really is time to go.  What was the sign that led to this revolution?  I ran out of Crystal Light.  The reason this is so serious is because Linda sent 24 containers 

(I'd say each container makes 3-4 large mixed drinks) MID APRIL.  That means in less than a month I've roughly consumed 96 glasses of Crystal Light Mixed drink (round down for the occasional lending, or more likely spillage).  Let's not even talk about the amount of alcohol here, because thats not even what's important.  It just really cant be healthy to consume that much artificial sweetener, am I right?  I'm not gonna panic until I grow a third arm, but if my first born son has characteristics of FAS, I'm not gonna blame the booze.

So as not to depress myself about leaving, I have compiled a list of things I'm excited for back in the US.

1. My Inhaler.  Shut up, yes I still have asthma.  But no, I didn't know that until I came here without my inhaler and now it is too late.  I went to the Apotek (aka pharmacy) and literally the ONE thing in Europe you need a prescription for are inhalers.  I'm gonna assume there was an epidemic of kids getting high off albuterol and making bad decisions.

Denmark won't have that.          

2.  The Verizon Store:  I never thought I'd say this but the T key on my blackberry is broken so a typical conversation usually goes like this:

Nikki Bogo: hej 

Stacy Greenberg: hej, le's ge lunch

Nikki Bogo: at hey bagel?

Stacy Greenberg: ha sounds grea , mee me a he sairs a school

Nikki Bogo: ...  

2.  Dunkin Donuts French Vanilla Iced Coffee with a little bit of skim milk and splenda.  No explanation needed.                                     

3. Pandora.com.  There's this other one that works in Europe but it's really not the same.  As much as I used to hate it, I really miss Pandora asking, "are you still listening?"  I've never had a website so concerned about me, and I appreciate it.

4. Having a brain

It took me 6 days to write a film paper.  WTF.  Granted the topic was... oh, wait, there was no topic.  Quote from syllabus: The topics for the research paper are decided by the student and the instructor.  Normally, it would be on (or relate to) subjects and films dealt with in the course. It is possible to write about other topics. What other topics?  Does it even have to be about film?  Could I write about Bosnia/ Ferderal Republic of Yugoslavia conflict?  I wouldn't... but could I?  It seem like yes.  

Let's focus on where it says normally.  Normally?  In my experience, normally a final paper is decided by the instructor.  If it's not, it's most definitely supposed to "be on (or relate to) subjects deal with in the course.  Apparently Anne Jespersen's definition of normalcy is different than mine.  Then again, a lot of her thoughts are different than mine.  

When I finally finished that paper, literally 30 seconds before I had to hand it in, I had to start on my Hans Christian Andersen paper.  The topic for this was a little (but only a little) more straightforward.  Yes, my final paper was to write a creative fairy tale, that was the first part.  The second part consisted of giving a dramatic reading to the class, unless you were shy, in which case you did not have to. 

 We ended up not doing dramatic readings because my teacher either forgot, or got over it.  We did however, perform our midterm which consisted of taking a disposable camera, taking 10 pictures, and creating a fairy tale.  Ours was called "The Lone Krone."  Duh.

Anyway, since you're dying to know...my final paper fairy tale began as such:  "The Big Spoon, the Little Spoon, and The Knife lived quite fanciful lives (then I inserted a google image of a table setting because we all know how much Hans Christian Andersen loved drawings). One could even say they lived like kings, lying horizontal all but three times a day.  Their time consisted of resting or being in the company of food, kind of like a cat."

This assignment literally took me a whole day to finish, it was only 5 pages AND i even did the thing were you replace all the 12 font sized periods with 14 font sized periods, which really makes all the difference.  WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?  Nobody knows.

Then we had to design a T Shirt for Creative Industries and give a powerpoint presentation.  We all know how much I lovvve a powerpoint.  I didn't get the memo however that this was a serious assignment.  After making a mockery of the presentation by adding ridiculous sounds and animation as well as photo shopping Taylor's head onto Andrew's body, I realized a Danish Fashion designer was coming to our presentations to give us feedback.  

At this point it was too late.  Luckily, she didn't HATE our idea, except for the fact that it could never ever be made because it violated so many intellectual property rights.  This wouldn't be our fault except that the entire class is essentially about copyrighting. Whatevvv.  

5. Netflix

I used to watch movies to help me fall asleep.  So, now I'm classically conditioned to fall asleep about 15 minutes into every movie.  This is a problem because, as many of you know, I'm a film student.  Therefore, a class I take here screens 2 movies a week.  I physically cannot go because I'll fall asleep in my desk and all the kids in that class already hate me.  No one knows why, but when we did class rep elections, I literally got 3 votes.  

How do I know this? Because we all stayed in the room during voting and as normal teachers would, Anne Jespersen not only did not have us close our eyes, but she also put the tally marks on the board... and did not erase them... Therefore, everyone who had class in that room after me, could see how unpopular I was.

Back to what's important, you would think I'd have this same falling asleep issue at Vanderbilt film screenings.  I do.  But I don't go because of NETFLIX to the rescue.  I even get reimbursed from insurance because narcolepsy is, luckily, considered a serious medical issue.  If I know it in advanced, I can put it in my queue.  If i don't I can borrow someone's PC and watch it online.   Question of the hour (and every hour for that matter)  why the F can't you watch Netflix online on a Mac?  Sooo dumb and out of character... 

 Anyway, then I can fall asleep 15 minutes in, set an alarm for 20 min later, wake up rewind, and be fine.  Can't do that here.  This leads me to my current dilemma.  I have 8 movies (mind you LONNNG foreign movies with subtitles) to watch before Monday because I haven't attended a film screening nor trekked to Blockbuster since the Midterm.  NBD, but in reality a very BD.  

-I miss my car, mainly driving with music so loud I felt it unnecessary to install the beeptronic feature, because lets be real, if I was backing into something and it started beeping, there's no way I'd ever hear it.  

-I miss having going out shoes where the heel didn't fall off, but since it happened to both feet, I wear them anyway.  

-I miss the CVS, even just to browse. 

-I miss corn tortillas being the staple of my diet.  

-I dangerously miss frozen yogurt to the point I'm worried about myself.  

-I miss having a cell phone smaller than my thumb because yet agaiiiin I misplaced it last night. Don't worry -I found it, unlike last time when I left it at a bar that I'm pretty sure the owners picked up and emigrated in the middle of the night.  Apparently all they needed was one more piccell to auction on Ebay so they could afford to live the American Dream.

-I miss Smart Water.

-I miss having a computer that doesn't have to be plugged into the wall at all times (but who knows when that will really be fixed)

-I miss Orbit gum, which I really don't even like.  I suppose distance makes the heart grow fonder.

-I miss unattractive Americans because Danish people are unfairly hot. Understandable because the vikings killed all the ugly ones, but still unfair to those of us common people...

So, for those of you studying abroad who are getting sad about leaving, feel free to use my list as a way to see the bright side of going home.

Sloanout.