To Whom it Concerns:

This is a real life letter, although the original is written on a barf-bag (when's the last time I used the word barf?), to KLM airlines. Attn: thoughts in parenthesis are asides, not actually written on the bag.

To Whom it Concerns:

I was a passenger on KLM flight # ____ (plan on asking my mom lata) on Sunday May 17th, 2009. I am dissapointed to say I had a less than pleasant experience whilst checking my bags for this flight. I had the exact same luggage I brought on an identical flight exactly four months ago, January 17th, 2009. However, I was unnecessarily charged 1000 Danish Kron(e-dogs... over $200 USDs) to check my carry-on which contained exactly: one hair dryer, one pen, one left moccassin ( where's the right one? Nobody knows.) a notebook (why I even had a notebook in Denmark... Nobody knows), and one almost empty bottle of Lincoln Park After Dark (or as I like to call it 'Linkin Park After Dark") nailpolish.

"It's not about the weight," I was told, "but the size." Now, the only possible explanation for this is if the dimensions of the plane have changed within the last four months. After being on it, I can almost guarantee this is not the case.

Not only was this flight mostly empty, but the girl behind me could not even fit her bag in the overhead compartment. It took not one, but two flight attendants to finally realize it needed to be checked. This girl was not asked for 1000 Danish Krona.

(I understand I am a target because I'm clearly American, I'm loud, I carry Swiss Army luggage and wear Chanel glasses. But the truth is, I got the suitcases for my Bat-Mitzvah and had a $25 dollar off coupon to Focal Point Opticians in Four Corners (yes, the one next to that Chinese Place) that i just HAD to spend. So really, enough is enough. Send me 5,000 miles ASAP.)

Frustrated Flyer,

SloanG